Jesus said, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone” (Matthew 18:15). But Proverb 19:11 says it’s to our glory to overlook an offense. How do I know when to speak up and when to just overlook something?
Indeed, Jesus plainly tells us to speak to those who’ve sinned against us, and we should definitely speak up when a Christian sins against us in a way that hurts our relationship. However, here are six offenses we might want to overlook rather than address.
Overlook What the Bible Doesn’t Call Sin
One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him.Romans 14:2-3
Overlook Most Non-believers’ Issues
While we should talk to our unbelieving friends and relatives about things that hurt our relationship, for the most part, telling people to obey a God they don’t believe in isn’t helpful. Likewise, when people become Christians, don’t call them to account for all the things that went on before they considered Jesus to be Lord.
For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? 1 Corinthians 5:12
Overlook Previous Occurrences of the Same Sin
Once someone’s apologized for something, never bring it up again: “I know you already apologized, but I’m still bugged.” If you’re still bringing it up, you haven’t forgiven, and Jesus said we must forgive someone even seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:21-34). Likewise, if someone repeats a sin, address the new issue without bringing up the past: “This is the third time you’ve done that” repeats the matter that you said you forgave.
Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9
Overlook What’s Merely Meddling
Maybe your heart is breaking over your sisters who aren’t getting along. Stay out of it. Maybe you know one friend is peeved at another friend, but hasn’t told him and now she wants you to talk to him for her. Refuse and encourage her to talk lovingly to him herself. Triangular communications are often gossip and an attempt to get others to choose sides.
Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears. Proverbs 26:17
Overlook Motives
Address actions, not motives. People who think they’re skilled at “reading between the lines” or discerning hidden motives damage their relationships. “Did you start the carrots?” shouldn’t be heard as, “You think I’m a terrible cook!” Assume motives are innocent until proven otherwise.
Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God.1 Corinthians 4:5
Overlook Small Issues that Don’t Matter
If your usually kind friend snaps at you after having a hard day, it’s a good time to just overlook it.
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:12-14
